Polyamory and “Feminism”

An article has been making rounds on the web recently relating to a man who considers himself a “feminist” for allowing his wife to sleep with other men. This article has become viral enough to have videos and threads all over the web, and has people torn over the shared feeling of resentment that the author is eschewing through his writings. At least that what part of the Internet’s consensus appears to be. I am writing this as if it were directed to the writer.

I mean look at this screen-cap I took:

Pretty sure this was not the positive affirmation the guy was looking for.
Pretty sure this was not the positive affirmation the guy was looking for.

I’ve said it before and shall say it again. I am all about equality, but this guy has no clue what he’s talking about. When he claims to be a feminist with what is perceived to be such disappointment, you can only help, but speculate on the type of hardship he is internally  enduring for the sake of a spouse (almost admirable in a pathetic way). I wanted to tear this guy’s argument a new one, but for the sake of brevity I will make this article a short one. I took my time and carefully analyzed each point of the paragraphs he wrote about while trying to get into the ideas been written about. However, if I want to make this an interesting article. I’m going to need a lot of alcohol.

Feminism part 1

In the first 4 paragraphs, the writer sounds as if he were constantly reassuring himself, that he is indeed a man (and a feminist). In it he explains that he is a feminist by telling his wife that her escapades are hot. But, that’s not feminism in fact it’s surprisingly (to the writer only apparently) common, seriously do a search on Google right now for “I think it’s hot that my wife sleeps with other men” trust me when I say that a lot of results will come up. A lot of these men aren’t feminist so feminism=/=polyamory.  Trying to convince yourself (the writer) that you are such for this very reason is uniquely ignorant to the plight of actual feminism which essence’s is equality.  He later claims that before he became a househusband the concept of feminism was only understood on an abstract level. But, here is the thing in itself “feminism” is an abstract concept. A person can’t grasp it any more than the U.S. can actually wage war against “terrorism” to say that it was understood in an abstract form meant you did understand it. But, even worse is when he claims that he receives affirmations of child-rearing being the hardest job in the world because he is male is in itself ridiculous. Women hear it all the time, I’ve heard it being told to my wife. In fact most mothers tell each other that as well. As this video says it is the media who has been telling mothers that they should be ashamed of being full-time parents. I’ve mentioned this before, it absolutely drives me bonkers that people would treat a job that is almost as old if not older than prostitution as lesser because it’s not earning money actively. But, you know what is doing? Ensuring that my children get all the love and affection they require (this in itself is worth all the money in the world) (the writer provides self-reassurance by stating he provides care). Moving on, however we see that this fella has more issues than simply those of misconception (which is what his father said when his mother announced the pregnancy).

This is due to the fact, that he considered his masculinity to hinge on his wife solely sleeping with him. But, that’s strange because my manhood really only relied on the fact that I have a set of testicles and penis with the full knowledge on how to use them. I don’t actively need anything to reassure me of my masculinity. In fact, most men don’t it’s pretty normal to have doubts of anything every once in a while, but if yours relies on another person then you truly have some deep-seated psychological issues thanks to the fact that your father never loved you.

feminism part deux

I’d like to preface with the concept that if you have to be drunk to make a decision, it’s usually not the best idea.  I also have to note that the reason she did not present this as an issue of feminism was because it wasn’t. You came up with that definition yourself in a way to justify the fact that you’re allowing your wife to get freaky with other men. I enjoyed reading how monogamy meant that you’re in control, but how silly of me to think that the concept of being faithful to one another applied to women only. I don’t control my wife through monogamy, I trust that she’s not sleeping with other men simply because we made vows to each another promising that very same concept.  There is no “we” here when you say the line “we are afraid that when it comes to sex, they won’t choose us” it is only you, and a handful of insecure men who fear such a thing. But, guess what? While our culture does place a lot more emphasis on women’s sexuality with words such as “slut or whore” (the only women who get called this way are the ones who act as such) it is also very notorious for shaming/punishing men who are caught cheating on their spouses (if you get caught cheating in the military, you have to make a really nasty phone call to your spouse on top of article 134 of the UCMJ).  But, in the end the writer goes back to to the same concept that women should be the ones to choose, but then again I suppose marriage was not about equality. If something does not please one half of the marriage they should drink until the idea sounds better. When you understood that your wife was tired of you, then you became a feminist? I would have become a divorcee.

feminism part troix

In these paragraphs he claims that they’re “happier and closer than ever”, but it begs the question. You don’t mention anything about you sleeping with each other at all. It makes me wonder how much is actually happening between both of your sheets? I understand having a small penis wasn’t pleasing for her, but damn son you really should have looked online for a better alternative to enlarging your package. It also strikes me as odd for the fact that he claims divorce happens when people have too much to share, but can’t. This is incredibly ridiculous because i actually looked at the top then reasons for divorce and that one did not come up.  He adds the fact that his wife is a whole person and that even though they are together he doesn’t consider them as “one”. But, this goes against traditional marriage (I’m not talking about the gay marriage ordeal. I’m talking about one person to another regardless of gender) in essence you become one the day of marriage. It’s truly humorous how the writer mentions that lying begins with yourself because isn’t that what he did by writing the piece?

Lying to himself, however, is the least of his issues. Turns out that he is terrified when his wife does not communicate with him for an extended period of time. He became nervous because of the loss of contact, and was worried about all the scenarios that could have happened. I can attest to how terrifying this can be, especially as a parent (the feeling of losing a truly loved significant other can be a grievous wound to both child and parent). But, simply telling your wife that she is not alone doesn’t change the fact that for whatever period of time you’re not there “anything” (I mean that literally) can happen. This is not to say you should constantly monitor your spouse, we should all trust our significant others to get themselves out of a hairy situation before it happens. But, what will you do if it does? All because she went out with the wrong person? What will happen then? Hell maybe for Ryan “graphics designer” really meant sleep with your wife and cut her up. You worthless excuse of a man.

Feminism part quatro

Finally I hope, that your concerns never becomes true, and that your wife does remain with you forever. You can’t stop a person from falling in love if we go by your definition of “feminism”. That would be inhibiting a part of who she is as a woman after all. But, even better pray tell what would happen if you found someone else to fall in love with? Remember feminism truly means equality and in this piece you focused an overly amount on your wife, what would happen when realize that things can happen both ways? The fact that you’re overly rationalizing your own argument with assertions that you’ve approved of this fail to convince many of us who read your article. What will you tell your kids if your wife becomes pregnant with another man’s child? Where are the limits if any as to where this can and can’t go? Sexually transmitted diseases are a real thing, as well as the dangers of meeting a serial killer. I truly hope that you’re not lying to yourself when you go to sleep every night because thanks to you. A whole new breed of “herbivore” men as they call them in Japan might start appearing, and we know that their birth rates are declining are a terrifying rate. You sir are as you called yourself a weakling.

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