The Hidden Dark Side Of Pokémon

Ah, Pokémon, one of Nintendo’s most popular series, it has been recognized as the flagship games of the handheld consoles. Initially coming out in Japan during the year 1996 it was the product of one Satoshi Tajiri, and the main character we call Red is actually named after him. Pokémon in those days was a much simpler game consisting of taking a team of Alakazam’s and Mewtwo to beat up all of your friends with your leet psychic team. It has also been aptly described as cockfighting meets Charles Darwin. Nowadays, Pokémon has evolved to a point where it has taught us many valuable life lessons such as:

Speaks for itself
Speaks for itself
Eugenics are Important
Eugenics are Important
Abandoning newborns is easy.
Abandoning newborns is easy.
and Sex Slavery is all right as long as it's a Ditto
and Sex Slavery is all right as long as it’s a Ditto
Cat's and Whales produce viable offsprings
Cat’s and Whales produce viable offspring

Truly without all of these important lessons, we’d all be lost and misguided. This particular side was born during the height of popularity during the late 90’s in which Pokémon seemed to be the only thing in children’s minds at the time. I was only 10 years old when it happened, but it made me realize that Pokémon was truly evil. However, I did not stop playing the game for it had long since held me in its occult grasp, and as well all know… The longer you peer into the darkness, the more you risk becoming a part of it. After all, who are we, if not what we are when alone in the dark? Pokémon was clearly made with the intent of turning children into Satanist. At least according to Club 36, which had an interview explaining how evil it was all along:

It doesn’t stop there though, throughout its history Pokémon has been the perpetrator of many heinous crimes like for example:

It's a trap!
It’s a trap!

The list goes on indefinitely, but what’s important to take from this is that for a series that is filled with such cute imagery like for example:

The faces of EVIL!!!!!
The faces of EVIL!!!!!

It is truly filled to the brim with dark ideals designed to corrupt our youths. Pokémon has slowly been moving our sweet children away from Christianity (which is the only real religion, and all others are false!!!!), and into the Church of Helix. This is a church where children worship a creature that rose from the dead on the 11th day of anarchy, similar to Jesus Christ. This church also tries to instill the values of anarchy in contrast to our great democratic nation of America, thus forcing children to only look out for themselves in a way not much different from capitalism. Pokémon could not be any more blatantly a tool of the devil. But, it becomes worse if we realize that Pokémon is teaching children that they can simply abandon their responsibilities in akin to abortion.

You heard me right, Pokémon is teaching kids that abortion is a completely legitimate course of action even after the third trimester has been completed. You see Pokémon has breeding mechanics which allow players to have their pocket monsters produce eggs. These eggs are hatched after minutes of traveling, and bonding with them down the same route in a repetitive fashion. The Pokémon inside are later tested to see if their Internal Values are actually the highest they can be. If the monster doesn’t meet the criteria that its parent (or trainer) was looking for it is then promptly abandoned in the woods with no regards to the infants safety. It is as if Pokémon was trying to tell our children that they are not responsible for the fruits that God has blessed them with. It is an abomination in the eyes of our Lord.

Influx of pokemon babies
That kid was never seen again!

Videogames are obviously the reason for our teenage pregnancy, and abortion rates.  The ever increasing rates in violence. The decline in Christians of this once proud nation under God. But, let’s not forget that they are also responsible for such atrocities like, the Hindenburg disaster, global warming, Hannah Montana, The Titanic sinking, and boy-bands corrupting our youths.  The world would obviously be a much better place if Pokémon had not been created in the first place. For that matter, the world would have been a much better place if videogames had not existed in the first place. Videogames like Minecraft where children are distracted from the truly important things such as reading the bible, and instead focus on learning unimportant skills such as creativity, artistic expression, or the worst one of all: mathematical problem solving through the use of redstone circuitry (which has been associated with alchemy, another tool of the devil).

Wake up people, videogames are taking away your children from you, and turning them to cult worshiping heathens. If we do not stop them now, then they will be lost to us forever. We must rise in arms against the culprits, Nintendo obviously has designed this to enslave the minds of those who deepen their pockets. They are the true antichrist! It’s not Obama, turns out it was never the President of the United States. It was always Nintendo that was pulling the strings of manipulation. It is the time to rise again under a single banner for the freedom of the minds of children everywhere. Let us shine the light of God towards the dark side of Pokémon!!!

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