First Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster in U.S. Vessel

FMS  Believe it or not, Pastafarianism is a legitimate world religion. It has reached almost all corners of the world from the United States to New Zealand and even Poland. It’s an incredible religion which points out the inherent flaws in a system which seeks to place its beliefs above those of others. In the United States the federal government, however has considered it a false religion a parody of belief satirizing “true believers”. Personally I believe this should be considered a criminal act. But, in the Navy we have something called equal opportunity and they are lawfully obligated to honor your beliefs regardless of silliness. It’s not perfect, yet, and we’re working towards that goal.

You see in the  Navy if you classify yourself as a Pastafarian then your dog tags will say Atheist/FSM. My lieutenant and I are seeking to change these rules and create the very first Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster cult aboard a naval vessel while deployed at sea and only during this time. This will ensure that the Navy has to take it seriously and actually observe the religion how it truly deserves.

The idea was born out of boredom during one of our infamous general quarter drills in which we practice and learn about the actions needed to be taken during moments of emergency. It was our glorious leader and lieutenant that specified he wanted to create a cult and was willing to endorse any sailor who would want to lead the service. He quickly enlisted the help of the swashbuckler because as we all know, I’m a buccaneer and pirates are the primary followers of the FSM.

The purpose of establishing this event would literally be to spread cheer and joy among the sailors who don’t identify with any of the mainstream religions. It would be an open event to all of the sailors in the boat and it has the best intentions of helping others at heart. We seek to liberate the hearts and minds of those who know that our lord the Flying Spaghetti Monster keeps his noodly appendages in our shoulders at all times. He doesn’t desire worship constantly, but appreciates our celebrations of his delicious goodness.

We want to host services, and give speeches and and then partake in delicious ramen and hopefully beer, if not then apple juice would do just as well. It’s not hard to see other sailors wanting to partake in these events seeing as we have Buddhist meditation time, and even Roman Catholic Mass in our ship. It would be a crime to forbid us from expressing our beliefs and it is with these grounds that we are certain of the success our cult will have. As you read these words I am working towards my ordination as a cleric of the church. I will do my best to follow the teachings of our lord in the sky.

We are plowing the fields of what will eventually become a beautiful garden and are certain that others will follow. We trust in the lord FSM and hope that the noodly appendages keep us grounded and safe as we organize all the paperwork required for this group to succeed. But, I need all the support in the world from every corner that can give us guidance and help endorse our group. We need an officiating letter from an established church and our mateys in New Zealand have agreed to endorse us. But, we need to know what to specify in this letter and if anyone here has any suggestion then please leave a comment.

What should be stated in our letter? What holidays should we celebrate? How should we celebrate them? What are the dates? Should we dress up like pirates during the service? Will we be speaking like buccaneers? Write back and let me know.

Truly my heart has been touched by his noodly appendages and shone the light upon me. I seek his guidance in all I do for he is the true leader of the world.

We even bought the bible and have several experts to help us in our way.  But, we could always use more help. Care packages always help too!


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