First Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster in U.S. Vessel

FMS  Believe it or not, Pastafarianism is a legitimate world religion. It has reached almost all corners of the world from the United States to New Zealand and even Poland. It’s an incredible religion which points out the inherent flaws in a system which seeks to place its beliefs above those of others. In the United States the federal government, however has considered it a false religion a parody of belief satirizing “true believers”. Personally I believe this should be considered a criminal act. But, in the Navy we have something called equal opportunity and they are lawfully obligated to honor your beliefs regardless of silliness. It’s not perfect, yet, and we’re working towards that goal.

You see in the  Navy if you classify yourself as a Pastafarian then your dog tags will say Atheist/FSM. My lieutenant and I are seeking to change these rules and create the very first Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster cult aboard a naval vessel while deployed at sea and only during this time. This will ensure that the Navy has to take it seriously and actually observe the religion how it truly deserves.

The idea was born out of boredom during one of our infamous general quarter drills in which we practice and learn about the actions needed to be taken during moments of emergency. It was our glorious leader and lieutenant that specified he wanted to create a cult and was willing to endorse any sailor who would want to lead the service. He quickly enlisted the help of the swashbuckler because as we all know, I’m a buccaneer and pirates are the primary followers of the FSM.

The purpose of establishing this event would literally be to spread cheer and joy among the sailors who don’t identify with any of the mainstream religions. It would be an open event to all of the sailors in the boat and it has the best intentions of helping others at heart. We seek to liberate the hearts and minds of those who know that our lord the Flying Spaghetti Monster keeps his noodly appendages in our shoulders at all times. He doesn’t desire worship constantly, but appreciates our celebrations of his delicious goodness.

We want to host services, and give speeches and and then partake in delicious ramen and hopefully beer, if not then apple juice would do just as well. It’s not hard to see other sailors wanting to partake in these events seeing as we have Buddhist meditation time, and even Roman Catholic Mass in our ship. It would be a crime to forbid us from expressing our beliefs and it is with these grounds that we are certain of the success our cult will have. As you read these words I am working towards my ordination as a cleric of the church. I will do my best to follow the teachings of our lord in the sky.

We are plowing the fields of what will eventually become a beautiful garden and are certain that others will follow. We trust in the lord FSM and hope that the noodly appendages keep us grounded and safe as we organize all the paperwork required for this group to succeed. But, I need all the support in the world from every corner that can give us guidance and help endorse our group. We need an officiating letter from an established church and our mateys in New Zealand have agreed to endorse us. But, we need to know what to specify in this letter and if anyone here has any suggestion then please leave a comment.

What should be stated in our letter? What holidays should we celebrate? How should we celebrate them? What are the dates? Should we dress up like pirates during the service? Will we be speaking like buccaneers? Write back and let me know.

Truly my heart has been touched by his noodly appendages and shone the light upon me. I seek his guidance in all I do for he is the true leader of the world.

We even bought the bible and have several experts to help us in our way.  But, we could always use more help. Care packages always help too!


I do not own the picture in this article. It belongs to its respective owner. I only own the blog and the article.



The Bible, homosexualism and the truth.

Willful ignorance has taken many shapes and forms in our society. It has been my displeasure this morning to wake up and read so many ignorant comments from self-righteous religious individuals who claim that they tolerate those with homosexual tendencies. But, that even if they tolerate their acts, “it is the word of God who condemns those that practice homosexuality” (this always sounds to me as if they thought that there was a choice in the matter). In their minds, a book that was written thousands of years ago holds all the answers to every question that arises today. But, I beg to ask. Who really wrote the bible? The answer to that question is simply many men (or one guy, who knows?). To quote Russell Brand in an interview with the Westboro Baptist Church: “the Holy Spirit ain’t got a pen”. It is simply ridiculous to think that God wrote the bible or even dictated the words written in it.

I could sit here and write an entire paragraph on why this is a ridiculous concept, but I’ll link to fellow blogger Steven Jake , and he’ll explain instead.

In his blog Steven explains that several passages in Psalms are clearly prayers to God. This is a clear cut case of someone who wrote passages in the bible simply not being hand-directed by God or any other higher being  (Cthulhu being my favorite) . There are many other passages written in the bible that are directed to God (for the sake of brevity I will not link them, but they can be searched in Google). Now plenty of religious folk will attest that it was inspired by God, but even in the worst case scenario, we must accept that he did not write (or dictated) every (perhaps any) passage in the bible. Therefore we must conclude that the bible is not free from human tampering.

People must wake up and realize that we can’t live our lives based on some historical writings. These writings have been translated so many times that the original meaning might have been lost centuries ago. What’s even worse is that we condemn homosexuality, when it is generally agreed upon that those were a time when reproduction was of the utmost importance in order to ensure the survival of the human species. For those of you who have not seen her video ask a lesbian w/ Cameron Esposito I will provide a link in which she (a theology major) answers that question. God bless her soul.

If we keep these 2 factors in mind then we have to ask ourselves, why do people so blindly follow the bible? However, I’m afraid that there is not an answer for this question. People often cling to beliefs when they feel that they are weak and in need of guidance. This is not a bad thing, I’m not condemning those whose beliefs lie in the religious world (I can claim to not be judging as well). But, anyone can claim to not judge others and hide behind a book while looking down upon them. It is too easy to fall into a false sense of security when we believe that our actions are justified (see Nazi Germany). Why do I bring up the Germans? Because in those days the defense utilized by them was eerily similar (see Nuremberg Defense or I was just following orders). In this case people might claim defense with the statement: they aren’t hurting anyone, how can I be similar to the Nazi? But, while it’s true that they aren’t hurting a particular person; they are hurting their cause. When your only defense is a book that has been claimed by Pope Francis as only a fraction of what the “word of God” truly is. The only thing you damage is your own faith’s credibility when your sources are a book that is open to a lot of interpretation and has been taken as gospel.

You must understand that truth is a very subjective topic. Truth in a hypothesis is often measured with two aspects which are validity, and reliability without them the experiment is considered void. But, when we cite a single source as the fountain of information it leads to statements such as the following:

Translation:  Yes, I'm a Christian I Believe in the Bible I don't approve of homosexuality nor gay marriage Yes, I still love you Yes, we are still friends. No, I'm not judging No, I'm not condemning you to hell. No, I won't let anyone harass you. But, Please understand that we only only ask what you're asking. We have a right to raise our voice. We have a right to be respected for what we believe in. We have a right to share our beliefs As well as you do. Telling the truth is not homophobia.
Yes, I’m a Christian
I Believe in the Bible
I don’t approve of homosexuality nor gay marriage
Yes, I still love you
Yes, we are still friends.
No, I’m not judging
No, I’m not condemning you to hell.
No, I won’t let anyone harass you.
But, Please understand that we only only ask what you’re asking.
We have a right to raise our voice.
We have a right to be respected for what we believe in.
We have a right to share our beliefs
As well as you do.
Telling the truth is not homophobia.

This is not true, you aren’t telling any truth. You are only expressing your beliefs based on religion (typically following the bible). You can claim that you aren’t judging another person, but your actions might say otherwise when put into practice. Remember, we are only ourselves behind closed doors. You could say a million things to my face, but you can still judge internally.

Going back to the Nuremberg Defense it was actually what led to the experiment called the Milgram’s Obedience Study. In this study a participant would be commanded (by different people in each study) to give increasing amounts of electrical shocks (in increasing voltage) to a fake test subject (actor) who would pretend to be in increasing amounts of pain. The study surprisingly (or not depending on your point of view) discovered that if a person of authority such as a scientist or a professor commanded it, the participants would be more willing to give the shocks to the point of apparent murder of the fake test subject. In which case these folk admittedly see religious figures as their leading authority, which would mean that they could justify their behaviors for the same reason as the Nazi. Sadly when people are blindly following orders, it leaves little room for personal interpretation. Which is a problem when we take into consideration that perhaps the story of Sodom and Gomorrah has been taken into the wrong context.

You see in Sodom and Gomorrah the biggest crime was not homosexuality, instead it was the following: “rebelling against God, lacking in knowledge, deserting the Lord, idolatry, engaging in meaningless religious ritual, being unjust and oppressive to others, being insensitive to the needs of widows and orphans, committing murder, accepting bribes, etc”. There is no reference to homosexuality or to any other sexual activities at all. This was all taken from Isaiah 1. In Jeremiah 23:14 we get the following “among the prophets of Jerusalem I have seen something horrible: They commit adultery and live a lie. They strengthen the hands of evildoers, so that no one turns from his wickedness. They are all like Sodom to me; the people of Jerusalem are like Gomorrah”. Finally we get Ezekeiel 16:49-50:Now this was the sin of your sister Sodom: She and her daughters were arrogant, overfed and unconcerned; they did not help the poor and needy. They were haughty and did detestable things before me. Therefore I did away with them as you have seen”. I don’t see any mention of homosexuality throughout these passages, and it is simply hard to justify homosexuality as a reason for their destruction. I also have to ask if indeed everyone in Sodom and Gomorrah were indeed homosexual except for Lot. How come there were so many wives and children living in the city when God destroyed it? As a cracked article once stated the biggest sin they committed was being miserly and gave a fun exercise to try: “The next time your Christian friend refuses to give money to a poor person, say, “Hey, you just sodomized that guy!”

All of this has been leading me to my final point. The bible itself only has seven to nine articles that could be potentially be referring to homosexual behaviors as a sin. But, it has at least 30 articles that speak ill of judging others. We are all one human race and it is about time we left our prejudices behind us. Humans as a whole need to evolve and reach the next step, but if we are blinded by hate we will never achieve this. It’s ironic that despite the fact that racial features, and skin color have been determined by the location our ancestors decided to settle in has been verified by scientific sources. We haven’t been able to get past this behavior as if it were ingrained into our DNA (impossible and I’m only speaking metaphorically).  If you are truly a religious person who believes that Jesus is your Lord and Savior then strive to become more like him. There seems to be this agreement in the general populace that Jesus was a very forward-thinking revolutionary man. This is the example that we must follow ourselves. Let us not be held back by the chains that bind us. We must not dwell on hate, instead look for acceptance in our hearts and minds. If we are to put our petty differences aside then this is the place where it must all begin.

Remember people that if you truly believe that God is perfect then he makes no mistakes. Therefore, how can we condemn something that was made by God himself? Who are we to judge above and beyond Him?

P.S. let’s not forget the other things the bible condemns that we do this day and age:


Now as I always say please share and like if you enjoyed this article it really does motivate me to write more. I hope everyone who read this blog opens their heart a little bit more to acceptance of different beliefs. It is my hope that one day I’ll get to see a truly magnificent world. But, it all begins with change (not the change Obama was talking about, but he’s cool too)

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