#BernieLostMe Hijacked by American Pirates

 

A new hashtag is trending the world of Twitter. #BernieLostMe a smear campaign clearly designed by the wicked witch of the west, Hillary Clinton, to demoralize the avid fanatics of Bernie Sanders is currently trending with hundreds of thousands of retweets. It originally started as a way to criticize Sanders without fear of reprisal, but quickly devolved into an online fight starring Bernie pirates and Hillary ninjas. It was all a painfully slow process before the pirates arrived with people misquoting and creating “facts” about Sanders that simply aren’t truth. Free stuff they would yell as they patted each other in the backs for being smart republicans especially the Hillary ninjas who disguise themselves as democrats by day, but at night by moderates.  They would party and celebrate in their attempts to dismiss the legitimate threat which Bernie Sanders presented to their very fragile world view. 

But, the Bernie pirates were sailing the seven seas of the ocean that is the internet scouring for dangers coming from all angles. They searched high and low, up and down, left and right, and even in that dead sea we call Google+ for any threats that might have loomed on the horizon until finally they found the source of noise in the ocean. It was a hashtag with the name #BernieLostMe most likely created by troll ninjas wanting to create waves in their time of boredom. The pirates prepared for combat they all manned the rails, cannons and even the sails for combat maneuvers that would impress the saltiest of captains. They waited expectantly at the helm until they were within range and with the sound of a fire the fired their cannons at the ninja party. The ninjas prepared back with weapons of their own and in a blaze of glory the Pirates they laughed at the storm of giggles that were meant to be had.

The pirates stood strong in anger they yelled, ‘you shall never stop us, we’ll never be quelled’. The shots filled with honesty, and fury towards the establishment who took all the rights away from the masses. They fought into the dead of the night as both parties lost brave souls who fought in their beliefs, but as the moon shone the brightest the fight had calmed down. The fight might have ended a stalemate, but the pirates were emboldened by their struggle. Together we fight or together we die, it’s Bernie or bust no matter the cost, we believe in his values and won’t compromise. We shall see this fight to the end and even then we’ll carry on his struggle in our souls, inspired by the man who dared to challenge the status quo we shall build a future that cares for one and all. In the end they managed to hijacked the hashtag with polarizing tactics. They turned the negative into a positive and used humor and sarcasm. Their comments were witting and so full of laughter, in spite of a few that were hostile and savage. No lives were lost that day, but the struggle continues, to fight for their beliefs in this ocean of turds which we call American politics.

The ninjas are afraid to create any waves for fear that a fecal tsunami will flood their shores, but the pirates know that change never happens without a few sacrifices. ‘The revolution will happen’ could be heard in the wind that night, as those buccaneers left the shore with their prize. A stormy night of laughter and anger, with people from both side inciting one another. It was a long battle and a fun one at that, but the pirates must rest for now it is late. It is time to rest our weary spirits my mateys, for tomorrow shall rise on the bright and early.

We all had our fun now go back to sleep you crazy Americans who enjoy a good tweet. It was fun to fight, but much funner to laugh and I met some good people in spite of our sides. In the end of the day your beliefs are yours and you’re entitled to believe in what you choose. The fight is never ending and no matter who wins, we’re all screwed regardless since we are just sheep. In the grand scheme of things nobody matters since the super delegates will make this their own election. Fight as we might the establishment calls for a revolution. A civil war will erupt and many shall die. But, in the remains a new flag shall fly, until then we can all sit back and watch as the ruins of our once great country lay in the fields of a grand war…

 

*Disclaimer

 

The pictures in this article belong to their respective owners.

American Citizens Favor Hillbilly Charlatan over Honest Politician

The year 2016 has been an eye opening experience for the world thanks to American politics. The overwhelming support that has been provided by American citizens towards Donald Trump, a man who confused 9/11 one of the biggest catastrophes in American history for 7/11, a franchise that has done more for diabetes than your local donut store, can be frankly astounding. This has left the rest of the world with an even larger negative view of America in general. However, what doesn’t come as a surprise is that the reasons for the support might actually be the disenchantment that is felt by the citizens of the United States towards the government establishment. As such, a hillbilly might seem to them as a viable choice for the leader of one of the greatest economic powers on earth.

It’s important to note that citizens of the United States have started realizing the fact that they have been taken advantage of by a system that could only be considered an oligarchy. Trust in the government is at an all-time low in the United States and only continues to decrease as time moves forward. A reason for this could be that major corporations have been lobbying in the government to take away the rights of citizens for close to a century only so they can deepen their own pockets. The citizens believe that by electing one of their own (a lobbyist) they will be disrupting the system from within and thus be creating what is tantamount to a black hole. If successful, the black hole created from this event will be so large that it will collapse unto itself and maybe take with it a couple of extra corporations along the way.

Sadly, this idea can be superfluous at best, when we take a closer look at everything that Donald Trump stands towards. This is a man who will say anything and everything to become elected, and half of the answers he provides could be considered nonsense to all, but his most loyal of followers; however Donald Trump still managed to secure the republican candidacy nonetheless.  Thus we must respect Donald Trump’s tenacity and survivability in this cutthroat world of politics at the least. One thing is certain, he is funding his campaign with his own money and as such we can’t say that he is in the pockets of big corporations because he is a corporation.

On the other side of the coin these same traits that are admired in Trump are the cause of scorn towards democratic nominee Senator Bernie Sanders, a man who has had close to 40 years of experience in Politics. Sanders surprisingly has no relation to the Colonel Sanders who parlayed in the business of chicken peddling and in fact denied it several times during various interviews is the representative for the state of Virginia. He has been fighting for the same rights and civil liberties that people of the United States deserve (but, have not fully obtained) for over three decades. Senator Sanders however is still trailing behind the other democratic nominee known only as the wicked witch of the west who instead represents the establishment. The odds seem stacked against him as more strange events regarding the primaries and caucuses continue to happen.

Related? You be the judge.

Missing votes, closed voting establishments, known democratic voters mysteriously having their parties switch side, and failures to re-count when the masses are asking for them are all very large red flags in a system that has started to tear at the seams.  It seems that the United States government has finally started showing its true colors. ‘For the people by the people’ has been a myth propagated by the generations for centuries, but how true can that be when the country is ruled by those who have deep pockets and even deeper connections? In a world like this of course the hillbilly candidate can appear to be the logical choice because an honest politician is a paradox that can’t simply exists. The government is the enemy and  Sanders is viewed as the enemy of the establishment. Thus the establishment seeks to eliminate Sanders’ bid for presidency. Thus, it reinforces the American Citizens’ belief that their only hope lies in the other candidate who can’t be bought by money because his pockets are already filled, but they fail to realize that because Trump is one of them, he will still favor corporations.  There is no win for the United States only revolution is left. In a country that has slowly been taking away the rights of its citizens, only blood will reignite the flames of freedom. But, how long until the American people fight back? Who can tell?

The Wicked Witch of The West

*Disclaimer

The pictures attached belong to their respective owners. This article is a work of satire and humor mixed with some serious observations. It is meant to be taken with a grain of salt.

New Study Discovers Japanese Men More Likely to Cheat if Married or in a Relationship

A new survey has surfaced in the land of the rising sun, Japan. This study performed by the Menjoy magazine was aimed at finding whether Japanese men would cheat on their spouses on the condition that they wouldn’t be caught .  The survey utilized a rather small sample size of 50 willing participants. But, the results demonstrated that a majority of Japanese men would in fact cheat on their partners if they had the opportunity.  When taking a closer look upon the responses provided by the participants the results were not uncommon.

At times the participants mentioned that their significant other stopped caring or having sexual contact with them after marriage, but a lover would have no problems with these encounters and as such happily provides the services needed for romance/sex. ‘A new marriage can seem bright and exciting, but once you’ve been married for a few years things start getting dull’ was a quote spoken by “Kentaro Sakamoto” from the Chiba Prefecture in Tokyo (one of the survey participants).  He also indicated that if he had not been in a relationship at the time he wouldn’t have been tempted to cheat.  A different participant, whose named he preferred to keep undisclosed, mentioned that if he weren’t in a relationship he wouldn’t be tempted by women who are jealous of his current significant other.  He said “ever since I became married, women in my office can’t seem to stop inviting me over to their apartments for tea”.

We can obviously tell from this information that the only reason people are cheating on each other are because they get into relationships. Relationships are great, they are a breath of fresh air and meeting new people can be an amazing experience, but they obviously lead to dangerous things such a cheating and sexually transmitted infections. Especially when you’ve been with someone for so long that they become boring and dull. People become comfortable around each other and suddenly the relationship slows down and this leads people into the arms of another who probably has herpes. The sad part is we know for a fact that this kind of events happen and we still choose to follow outdated traditions such as marriage.

It’s clear as day that if Japanese men were not forming deep emotional bonds with other individuals they wouldn’t be tempted to cheat. Japanese women wouldn’t be seeking men in relationships because none of them would have one. Thus the whole society would have an even playing field in the field of romance, and if children happen  there is still no reason for marriage, after all studies have shown that as long as both parents are involved in the child rearing the kids will be just fine. As long as both parties can agree on the custodial terms there shall be no problems.

Besides relationships cost time and money, both of which could be utilized towards improving the lives of their increasingly large populace of seniors. Certainly the country whose dwindling birth rates have been decreasing exponentially could see no benefit from partaking in such frivolities. Instead they could put their efforts in building synthetic human beings which will eventually replace us all.  I for one will welcome with open arms our new robotic overlords.

There you have it folks, the number one reason for cheating is starting a relationship. Why would you ever just use one car for your entire life when you could test drive all of them? It’s not cheating after all if there is no emotional attachment.  As we all know emotions are for losers who can’t have affairs and those are all the rage these day.

But, remember if you’re still keen on starting a relationship try having a polyamorous one. It’s not cheating if you’re both loving the same people and it can keep the spark of romance alive for generations to come.

 

 

Sources:

https://www.city-cost.com/blogs/City-Cost-News/zD8Yz

「彼女に絶対バレないんだったら浮気しちゃう？」意外すぎる結果…

https://forum.gaijinpot.com/forum/living-in-japan/relationships/79254-what-i-ve-learned-after-being-cheated-twice-by-japanese-girls

 

***Disclaimer***

 

As always the pictures utilized in this article belong to their respective owner, and the only thing that belongs to me is the article itself. I hope you guys know this is a work of snark and humor and not meant to be taken at face value.

First Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster in U.S. Vessel

  Believe it or not, Pastafarianism is a legitimate world religion. It has reached almost all corners of the world from the United States to New Zealand and even Poland. It’s an incredible religion which points out the inherent flaws in a system which seeks to place its beliefs above those of others. In the United States the federal government, however has considered it a false religion a parody of belief satirizing “true believers”. Personally I believe this should be considered a criminal act. But, in the Navy we have something called equal opportunity and they are lawfully obligated to honor your beliefs regardless of silliness. It’s not perfect, yet, and we’re working towards that goal.

You see in the  Navy if you classify yourself as a Pastafarian then your dog tags will say Atheist/FSM. My lieutenant and I are seeking to change these rules and create the very first Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster cult aboard a naval vessel while deployed at sea and only during this time. This will ensure that the Navy has to take it seriously and actually observe the religion how it truly deserves.

The idea was born out of boredom during one of our infamous general quarter drills in which we practice and learn about the actions needed to be taken during moments of emergency. It was our glorious leader and lieutenant that specified he wanted to create a cult and was willing to endorse any sailor who would want to lead the service. He quickly enlisted the help of the swashbuckler because as we all know, I’m a buccaneer and pirates are the primary followers of the FSM.

The purpose of establishing this event would literally be to spread cheer and joy among the sailors who don’t identify with any of the mainstream religions. It would be an open event to all of the sailors in the boat and it has the best intentions of helping others at heart. We seek to liberate the hearts and minds of those who know that our lord the Flying Spaghetti Monster keeps his noodly appendages in our shoulders at all times. He doesn’t desire worship constantly, but appreciates our celebrations of his delicious goodness.

We want to host services, and give speeches and and then partake in delicious ramen and hopefully beer, if not then apple juice would do just as well. It’s not hard to see other sailors wanting to partake in these events seeing as we have Buddhist meditation time, and even Roman Catholic Mass in our ship. It would be a crime to forbid us from expressing our beliefs and it is with these grounds that we are certain of the success our cult will have. As you read these words I am working towards my ordination as a cleric of the church. I will do my best to follow the teachings of our lord in the sky.

We are plowing the fields of what will eventually become a beautiful garden and are certain that others will follow. We trust in the lord FSM and hope that the noodly appendages keep us grounded and safe as we organize all the paperwork required for this group to succeed. But, I need all the support in the world from every corner that can give us guidance and help endorse our group. We need an officiating letter from an established church and our mateys in New Zealand have agreed to endorse us. But, we need to know what to specify in this letter and if anyone here has any suggestion then please leave a comment.

What should be stated in our letter? What holidays should we celebrate? How should we celebrate them? What are the dates? Should we dress up like pirates during the service? Will we be speaking like buccaneers? Write back and let me know.

Truly my heart has been touched by his noodly appendages and shone the light upon me. I seek his guidance in all I do for he is the true leader of the world.

We even bought the bible and have several experts to help us in our way.  But, we could always use more help. Care packages always help too!

Disclaimer

I do not own the picture in this article. It belongs to its respective owner. I only own the blog and the article.

 

Latest Research Shows a Chocolate a Day Keeps the Doctor At Bay

 

Brand new research conducted  by German chocolatiers in Berlin has shown direct correlation between the health of patients who consumed 1 bar of chocolate a day versus those who did not partake in chocolate and even those who partook in two or three per day. This is due to the nature of chocolate being filled with anti-oxidants and other nutritious component which benefit the human body.

The verdict is out on whether you should have that extra bar of chocolate at the end of the day, and the answer is yes. For centuries people have wondered about the natural benefits that eating chocolate would confer, such as increased libido, healthier skin, and even an increase in energy. Humanity now has proof that consuming chocolate will not only convey these benefits, but it will actually do much more including increasing your happiness. Who wouldn’t want to partake in such delicious treats after all? Nazi’s that’s who and nobody wants to be associated with those guys! However, you do want to associate yourself with the benefits that chocolate brings into your life.

The benefits of chocolate are not limited to the ones listed previously since they also include an increase in bust, waist, and self-awareness. You would have to be a fool to reject these results. Chocolate like many of the other positive things in life comes from nature and as we know nature loves us. It’s only natural that with such magnificent attributes the harvest of cacao would boost the economy and bring about a golden age of light.

One thing about chocolate you might not know about is the fact that it can be used in cooking. Yes, you can utilize cacao in cooking to make a multitude of recipes which include, gravy and even chocolate. Who would have guessed this miracle of nature had been sitting underneath us this entire time? I wouldn’t have ever guessed it myself. Not only that, but the studies also show that the increase in energy caused by consuming chocolate before a workout allows the body to heal and recuperate at a faster pace than normal. The study indicates that you should always bring a bar of chocolate with you to the gym before doing an intensive workout routine. However, the benefits don’t end there for the amazing chocolate.

It takes about an hour to burn off the excess calories from 3 pieces of chocolate, if you ever wanted to have an excuse for hours of passionate love making without having to leave the bed, this is it. You want to convince your loved ones that you are healthy for eating chocolate correct? What better way than by demonstrating your sexual prowess to your significant other. The study claims to not worry about those extra pounds since you’re probably just pregnant from all the love making which is happening in your bed. Just remember that your health also affects the fetus that is living inside of you, hence you will want to consume more chocolate in order to benefit both of you.

The study concludes with the following:

“Consuming chocolate certainly has a lot of benefits, but you must exercise care to not overindulge in the chocolate and that dark chocolate is much more beneficial to the body than milk chocolate.”

There you have it folks, feel free to eat all the chocolate you want. It was about time science did something positive for us chocolate lovers in the world and this has been a great achievement towards that goal.

This Guy Eats Chocolate for Every Meal and Is Probably Healthier Than You

http://jaha.ahajournals.org/content/3/4/e001072.full

http://www.livescience.com/36222-frequent-chocolate-eaters-slimmer.html

Chocolate: The Healthy and Not So Healthy Truth

 

 

***Disclaimer***

I do not own any of the pictures for this article they belong to their respective owners. This article is also a work of fiction and not meant to be taken seriously.

Study Reveals an Increase of Flying Turtles on Highways in United States

A recent study performed by The University of Florida University College has been tracking an unusual increase in vehicular accidents with the latest one happening on the I-4 highway in Orlando Florida. The study was trying to determine whether a correlation on the effects between climate change and turtle migration patterns. The lead scientist performing this study has cited “An Inconvenient Truth” as the inspiration behind the project and has been researching the subject for close to a decade. The results are said to be “remarkable” by one researcher named Ignatius Michael Seaman.

The research involved tracking the number of incidents over the years and changes in climate. Head researcher Thomas Alexander Males (pronounced Mah-Less) said he noticed an unusual trend in drying lakes and other turtle friendly habitats which lead to an increase in migration. Due to the higher numbers of migrating reptilians the number of car accidents involving these reptilians has naturally increased. The accident have happened for a multitude of reasons including turtles being sent flying after being passed over by vehicles or drivers causing vehicular accidents by virtue of dodging the poor animals. But, due to this unusual reptilian activity Mr. Males has stated he had grounds for a solid thesis.

The thesis proposed by Mr. Males has stated the following: Turtle migration patterns have been affected by climate change due to the decrease in hospitable habitats caused by the overall increase of temperature on parts in the United States. This change in migration patterns has caused an overall increment in turtle related incidents in the southern states like California and Florida where turtles are commonly found among the fauna. My study seeks to confirm or deny whether a correlation between climate changes and turtle migrations which could affect the number of vehicular accidents involving the fauna of each State exists.

The study has also been supported by other studies which have tried to correlate the increase of turtle casualties in states that have had changes in habitat. Thus far the research of Mr. Males and his team has yielded very positive results and they awaiting the following few months to announce their results to the world. But, the researches do warn to watch out for flying reptiles that could be heading your way.

You can find more information on this topic at the following links:

http://www.lakejacksonturtles.org/accident.htm

http://www.humanesociety.org/issues/wildlife_roads/facts/turtles_highways_crossing.html

http://www.lakejacksonturtles.org/accident.htm

https://blogs.umass.edu/natsci397a-eross/an-answer-to-vehicle-caused-turtle-fatalities-in-florida/

http://www.jstor.org/stable/3803725

http://www.wesh.com/news/turtle-goes-airborne-crashes-through-windshield-on-i4/39532102

 

Disclaimer:

Thank you for reading and hopefully you enjoyed this article as much as I enjoyed writing it. The images attached belong to their respective owners and the original link to the pictures can be found above. This article is a work of fiction and meant to be take with a grain of salt.

 

 

Kickstarter for Father is Always With me!

I never imagined the day that I would use KICKSTARTER for anything. It was simply a site for those much more creative than I was. There was no chance on earth that I would ever create something worthy of being funded by people around the world. But, then I decided to create a book.

One which I spoke about at lengths during my last article here in WordPress.com titled “Father Is Always With Me”. Yet, here I am today writing, asking, sharing with the world in order to garner enough support to make my dream a reality. I can’t do this alone, I know that much, but perhaps together with the help of hundreds of strangers, I can achieve anything.

Now, this is my first foray into the world of crowdfunding and it has been scary to say the least.  It’s very nerve wracking, the idea of exposing yourself out there to the world and trying to make them care about your goals. My video recording of the KICKSTARTER video was designed as a heartfelt story to each of those who serve, their relatives or even retired from the military. It doesn’t hide my intentions or try to make a bigger deal of what it already is. This book after all is a love letter to all of the “military brats” we know and adore.

Look, I’ve said it hundreds of times already; most of the literature available for children in the military is aimed at telling them how great their parents are. But, that’s not enough for me, I want to let them know that we understand how difficult it is to be on the other side of the coin. Spouses who remain back from deployment will relate to me on this topic. But, when I say it is awful being the one staying back while knowing their loved ones are enduring so much stress and pain. It’s so hard to know you can’t comfort those you care about in their time of need. If it’s like this for us adults, can we imagine how bad it is for those who only know a parents love?

Children in the military have it even worse, a parent is their whole world to them. Yet, it seems like they’re simply observers in these stories, side-characters to watch in astonishment as their parent becomes part of something greater than themselves. I want to change this. We need to note the importance of telling these children that their emotions are normal, and those feelings of uncertainty and sadness are part of what makes life a beautifully chaotic work of art.  But, without the support of the community it will take probably longer than my natural life, to get this book and the multitude of books I have planned out into the market.

If this campaign succeeds then every parent that has asked me for a physical copy of the book will be able to purchase their own book. To share the story of Leonardo, a boy who has experienced many things in his 3 years of life. A story which many children in the military will relate to very closely. Friends, I need your support!

 

 

Military Children and Books.

There is a whole sleuth of books for military children out in the market. But, when you ask parents in the military about books for their kids, they will typically not be aware of them. I’ve also noticed a trend in these books which is really interesting. They all put the military parent in a sort of pedestal from which the military parent is the main focus of the story. While I don’t mean to demean the value of our service members (being one myself) it is important to understand that the focus of these books should be the children.

Thus I kept this in mind when venturing into the foray of becoming an author. A few months ago I began working on a little pet project called “Father Is Always With Me” a small little military book, by a military member which details the life of a small toddler called Leo through his first PCS and parents deployment. In it the focus lies within the domain of the child. Leo is the one who is experiencing the majority of these events for the first time and as such he’s learning to cope. Through his journey he realizes that home is not a set location, but rather the place where his loved ones and himself reside. It’s made with all branches in mind and despite the majority of the uniforms being Navy oriented it is universal enough to be understood by all kids and parents of other branches.

The illustrations are adorable professionally made with a lot of care and detail. These were made in a cute art style that simulates paper cut-outs and the characters are all beautifully made. “Father Is Always With Me” is certain to catch the eyes of any person who adores cute characters and wants to read a solid amount of story to their children.

You see a lot of children books are short and simple reads, but they can leave parents feeling unsatisfied (I know I am when reading books for my son). However, in order to alter the status quo this book has a good amount of words (basic words which can be easily read) designed to fulfill both parents and young readers.

Finally, perhaps it’s time to start creating more books for military children by military members who can relate the stories of their own experiences with their families. But, it can’t happen without your help. Support a fellow military member and perhaps we can start a movement that actually realizes the value of the children that are our future. The children of Soldiers, Sailors, Airmen and Marines. Check out this book on Amazon Kindle!

http://www.amazon.com/Father-Always-Me-Emmanuel-Barbosa-ebook/dp/B01DFY08G8/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1458965908&sr=8-1&keywords=father+is+always+with++me

Adventures in Japan! Also The Reason for my Disappearance! Lots of Pretty Pictures

Many of my readers are no aware that I recently moved domain. Now, that I mostly write about everything that I do in Japan. I moved to a new domain in this website:

City-Cost.com

Now I can only write about Japanese stuff in this website, but I do partake in writing other types of article which mean that I will still be here sporadically.

I’m sorry if everyone thought I disappeared, but the fact is that I’ve been very busy traveling through Tokyo and generally being awesome.

I actually even visited the cat cafe!

Visited a Maid Cafe and spent weeks with PTSD afterward

Raced around Tokyo as Bowser in a Go Kart while the Mario Kart 8 Soundtrack was playing

Saw One Piece at the Tokyo Tower

Visited a Pokemon Center and did not get my Pokemon healed because Nurse Joy was not there

Saw the Dark Side of Japan

Saw the Greco-Roman Mall Venus Fort

Visited Palette Town and started my own Pokemon adventure

Take a look at some of at some of the articles I’ve written there particularly my new favorite one:

A Story the Steampunk Store of Japan!

https://www.city-cost.com/blogs/DashTheBomber/z8EbG-living_shopping_fashion_tokyo

Venus Fort

https://www.city-cost.com/blogs/DashTheBomber/wmQQw-living_shopping_fashion_tokyo

Odaiba Palette Town

https://www.city-cost.com/blogs/DashTheBomber/wZa5G-living_shopping_fashion_tokyo

Neko Ja la la cat cafe!

https://www.city-cost.com/blogs/DashTheBomber/MAb6z-living_shopping_tokyo_chiyoda-ku

One Piece at Tokyo Tower

https://www.city-cost.com/blogs/DashTheBomber/MgOjM-living_shopping_tokyo_minato-ku

Pokemon Center

https://www.city-cost.com/blogs/DashTheBomber/Gb4BM-living_shopping_kanagawa_yokohama-shi

Maid Cafe

https://www.city-cost.com/blogs/DashTheBomber/MYa2M-living_food_fashion_tokyo_chiyoda-ku

Go Kart as Bowser

https://www.city-cost.com/blogs/DashTheBomber/wZe5G-living_transportation

The Day I Ate Bugs (Scorpions) in Chinju-ya Yokohama

Living abroad as a sailor has taught me many lessons. One of these experiences has been the world is a very strange place filled with magic and wonder.  A secondary lesson is that the world is that what is weird for us in the western hemisphere is not necessarily odd for the other half.  Furthermore, living abroad assists in opening the minds of those who experience it and are willing to try everything that the world has to offer. This is, however, only an opportunity which the bold of heart are willing to take.

Especially when that opportunity involves eating cockroaches, scorpions, newts, and grasshoppers! Now, to us in the western world, we had been taught that eating bugs was something of a nasty behavior, akin to acting like a savage. But, in the eastern world, bugs are seen as a delicacy (one which is surprisingly expensive) filled with protein and other goodies for the body. I don’t think it needs to be stated twice; that when some friends challenged the swashbuckler to eat some bugs with them, this sailor simply said “let’s do it”.

This is what eventually led us to Chinju-ya, a bar located conveniently in the China Town district of Yokohama inside of a buildings second floor. You go up a few steps and look to your right and there it is in all of it’s glory, capable of seating at least 20 people max, it’s also reservation only. We were the only ones in there that night with a staff of 2 Japanese girls (both very beautiful), and 1 young man, it was certainly a night to remember. The first thing we did was drink a few shots of sake (I’m a lightweight so it only took a little bit of liquid courage to have me going), and thus began the moment with our first order…

Fried Cockroach (648 Yen): Now, you might be thinking about how gross this is, and you’d be right. As you eat cockroaches you can feel every little hair of the legs on your tongue as you savor the crunchy flavor of… shrimp? Yes, you’ve heard me right fried roaches taste exactly like shrimp except hairier. Their insides are squishy and look terrible, so it’s not really a food that has stylistic appeal. You can see in the video below as my face contorts to match my feelings as I ate this. Needless to say, I still have nightmares about them crawling on my insides. However, 10/10 I would eat again.

Scorpion (2000 Yen): This one was certainly more appealing, with the fact that they are potentially less gross looking than roaches, and also cooler since they have 3 weapons in their body. Scorpion also tasted like shrimp (or chicken?) which was surprisingly tasty. This is definitely something I would eat again. The exoskeleton is surprisingly hard and has a tough texture when chewing. The pincers are almost hollow and have very little meat inside, but the shell is edible and thus you can get to enjoy saying that you fought a scorpion by biting it’s claws off. My friend ate the tip of the tail and while we all thought he was going to get poisoned it turns out that the cooking eliminated all of that away. Overall, I wouldn’t recommend this dish for the pricing alone, but if you’re feeling like a big spender connoisseur then this dish is definitely for you!

Newt (1498 Yen): I have one word for this dish and it is “chicken”. Lizards taste almost exactly like chicken and this is no different. It was truly well seasoned and I liked how crunchy it felt. I ate the head of this particular dish in order to gain its essence and powers. I felt like a lizard for the rest of the night that day too. It was a great dish and this is definitely one I recommend to anyone who decides to visit this place.

Grasshopper Pudding (980 Yen): I hated this dish. I hate dessert in general, which meant that eating badly sweetened pudding with caramelized grasshoppers was the worst experience in the world. It had legs sticking out of the pudding, which in my case did not do it any favors presentation wise. My friends and I each had a third of this dish and it was truly awful for me (both of them loved it though). I will not suggest anyone ever try this dish, but let me put it this way; I tried Google translating what it said on the menu three different times and the results were as follows:

“Come to dessert foreign matter sprint gly Shishi-ya of horror, with respect to different Churi adult dessert! To eat be attributed es regret was that Hiroshibun, it is possible to answer 3th” (SIC)

“Once you come to the contamination the small 3 13 Hiroshimata people st880 no feedbacks in Te eav to the home was y 33 in your Hiroshie can dress people” (SIC)

“Desserts foreign material mixed of horror, 3 I E Always Daiuma dessert you come Nenbe and hi Le is not possible to answer the Te retrace 3E5 33 skin ala afil te gu” (SIC)

None of these gave me any idea what to expect after my friends ordered it. I was simply held back in terror when the dish came by. The fact that not even Google figure out what the menu meant was terrifying. 12/10 I would not recommend the grasshoppers.

This marked the end of my night in Yokohama and I had to go eat ramen afterwards to cleanse my palate. The ramen place by the train station with the green sign above the store is pretty amazing, it’s one of those where you put money into a machine and it gives you a tag. The pink one is extremely tasty and especially if you boil an egg in it. If you’re ever in Japan please make sure you visit the bug eating restaurant.

Now the moment you were waiting for please enjoy this video: